The English Language

A friend passed this on to me, and it’s just too good not to share! I wish I could claim authorship, but alas, the following is simply a superb cut-and-paste job.


For Him,

Sarah Elisabeth


The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.


Sarah Elisabeth Sawyer is an award-winning inspirational author, speaker and Choctaw storyteller of traditional and fictional tales based on the lives of her people. Get a free e-copy of her first book, "Touch My Tears: Tales from the Trail of Tears": Free e-book

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4 comments on “The English Language
  1. And it really get’s confusing when the english language is used by a Texan! Or do we have our own language? lol

    • Sarah Elisabeth says:

      We Texans have our own language. “J’eet yet?”

      And don’t forget “Wade’s Dictionary,” the emboldenator!

  2. Oh my gosh, rotflol! That was great Sarah. I really notice it with Bethany- she’s always getting words, especially homonyms mixed up!
    Cindy Barclay recently posted..He Rides the WindsMy Profile

    • Sarah Elisabeth says:

      We have one crazy language…I still ask my mom, “Why do they call this…?” lol

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